Affective Parenting

Believe it or not, there is a recipe for happy, well rounded and well grounded people.

Ingredients

A ton of Love

well measured correction

a lot of patience

mix that all together, throw in a lot of activity, and let simmer.

preparation time: about 14 years

simmer time: a lifetime.

There is no cookie cutter way of going about it, it all depends on taste, but there are some clear cut does and don'ts.

Parenting should be entered into like any other endeavor. You can not get a loan or grant to help you start a business, until you have a well thought out business plan. Why would you not have a well planned out parenting plan, before you take on the most important job of your life?

You need to first write down the outcome you want from your endeavor.

What do you want this little person to grow up to be, NOTE, it is never too late to get on the right path.Write down exactly the character you want your child to have.

Then you have to write out a plan of getting to your destination. What are the things you are going to develop, and what are the things you are going to nip in the bud. You need to know what the rewards are going to be, and what the corrections are going to be. You also need a backup plan if some of your ideas don't work, or if over time they loose their effectiveness.

EX: I want them to be kind, compassionate, hard working, helpful, caring, close with their family, forgiving, strong in their beliefs, and the type that will strive to do the best they can in what ever they do.

If you teach them how you expect them to behave, they will usually do so. So when they are very young, and starting to talk, teach them how to answer when asked to do something, both yes and no. Teach them how to act and how it should make them feel to have someone trust them to do things, or to have nice things and take care of them.

EX: Isn't it just so nice when you have a nice clean room to play in.

      Grandma gave you such a nice doll/truck, I bet your going to take really good care of it aren't you.(and teach them how to care for it)

A child well taught in how to behave, and not well versed in what is not allowed, is also usually a very well behaved child.

I made up a notebook when my children were young, it had the does of the house, How we act in public, how we act at a restaurant and how we behave when visiting.

        The House Rules

        We walk in the house

        We use normal voices

        We play calm games

        We are nice in how we treat each other and speak to each other

        We pick up after ourselves and Keep our rooms clean

        When asked to do something, we answer politely

        We are always happy to help each other.

This is just to give you an idea of what I am meaning, you will need to make these decisions on your own.

The one thing to NEVER forget, is that you have to be consistent, no second chances. Give yourself the rule of , I will tell them once, and correct them the second time. This is very important, if you don't train them to push you, they seldom will.

Make sure when you correct them, that you explain what they have done, why it is not acceptable, ask how they would feel, and then give them examples of better ways to handle the situation. The older the child, the more of these that can be questions answered by the child. This is a training session, not a lecture or you made the parent mad. Never instruct the child in anger, or you will just be seen as a bully, always be calm, teach them why they cannot act one way and why they should act another, and always take it home so they can understand how they would feel in the same situation.

Be stern, but loving at the same time, be ready to forgive as soon as the lesson is over, quick lessons are always better then drawn out ones. I am sorry, but grounding and time out, don't really work. They are more of a punishment, and they don't work them through the process. It should be something that has a little sting to it, such as if they color on the walls, they have to clean all the walls, if they run off from you, they have to do exercise. For an attitude, they have to several times run over the scenario, with the proper attitude, running in the house they have to retrace their steps several times: walking.

+ fit the correction to the crime

+be consistent and firm

+and always from love

A child does not know how to behave, it is your job to train them, you can not do this by expecting them to behave, then punishing them when they don't.

You have to first set the rules, THIS IS HOW YOU WILL BEHAVE, then expect it, and show them you mean it. Reward when they do, correct when they don't.

A child needs lots of love, and they need to know they are important and worth a lot. It Is your job to make sure they know this.

+ Tell them often: I love you, do you know how much you mean to me......

+ Show them often: Teach them, hug them, do things with them, be interested in them as a person and what they are interested in.

+ Praise them: Tell them all the wonderful things about them, and all the wonderful things they do.

Don't let them question your love, or who they are, LET THEM KNOW!!!!

I promise, if you follow this advice, you will enjoy your children, and so will others. They are an asset, not a liability. They are a gift, not a curse. The parents that feel their children are a liability and a curse, have not done their jobs. They can be trying, they are kids, and human.

If you communicate well with them, you will find you can get through anything and you will enjoy them.